I recently shared an article on my Facebook Page on the “Mental Load” burning women out.
I think it is worth considering as a factor in our effectiveness as women in business – and what is possible in growing an income.
Think about for a minute – can you see the potential for you to earn more income with Tri Nature if the mental and physical load was shared more in your household? Those with young kids would of course be looking towards their husbands to perhaps share more equity in the household and childcare responsibilities (don’t underestimate what younger children can do, though – a topic of conversation for another day, perhaps ?). Those with older children could look at sharing the load among more family members.
I have been at work on this in my family for years – and when I stumbled on this article recently, I felt immediate relief – that it’s an actual “thing” and I’m not the only one. I have felt all sorts of guilt around it – at my core I haven’t been able to tolerate the inequity – being a statistic of bringing in an income yet still being the one with the Lion’s share of the work running a household and the family.
My husband and kids all have their household jobs. However, until recently it all fell back on me if something didn’t get done or someone was “too busy” suddenly it was up to me to find someone to do the job or do it myself. We talked about it, I yelled about it…seemingly nothing would work.
IT recently came to my awareness that men think of housework and childcare as a job like any other – and so even men who are “helpful” in the home think like they would in a job where there is a boss who tells the workers what to do.
So, I said to my husband that I don’t want to “ask” him to do jobs in the house – I want him to take on an area of accountability – and asked what he would take on – he said the kitchen – halleluiah!! After many years of saying I’m done with cooking and shopping for the family meal and him saying he likes cooking – but still it being my role to make sure *(a healthy) dinner was on the table – the buck still stopped with me…
*(Don’t get me wrong – my commitment to nurturing my family is strong – my commitment to also nurturing myself has also gotten stronger – if I’m burnt out and resentful I’m no good to anyone. And the consequences of that can be devastating)
I have recently heard myself saying things like –
A CEO doesn’t also do the workers work – his job is to oversee and delegate – how is it I have most of the household roles?
And in a recent conversation with my 16 year old son, rather than yelling which is what I felt like doing, I sat him down when I felt calmer and talked him through how I was feeling – i.e. it’s all well and good that everyone has jobs and everyone gets busy but I don’t have that option – there are times I think I’m as busy or busier than others in the house and yet it all lands on me to manage – and my closing comment was “I want to be the man” lol (meaning I want the option of being busy and knowing someone else will handle it). He actually got it. He hasn’t instantly turned into an angel child – but he is better – and his issue with me nagging and him feeling angry is less as he gets to his jobs before it gets to that point more often – which is also a relief for me as I prefer to spend my precious time with him enjoying his company and conversing and connecting.
I actually am starting to feel quite passionate about affecting change in this area… and it is us – women, who are clear on the problem, who have to “call it” – waiting for someone else to do it will never happen. For many of us the time has come to make a stand.
Of course, some reading this wont relate at this point in time and that is ok too – it is those suffering in silence that I am wanting to empower – and those, who in a few years, when kids are older or something else happens and they want to shift and grow and may feel stuck – but maybe remember they once read something about this and they feel the confidence to ask for what they want.
I think that men are also victims here – they are stuck in their roles too – I remember reading years ago in book called “raising boys” by Steve Biddulph that he predicts men will choose to work less and spend more time with family and that this is a healthy necessary change in thinking that needs to happen at a societal level.
There will be resistance – there will be those who don’t want things to change. If people are aware of “why” change – the advantages of thinking and acting differently – then change will slowly come about household by household.
It hasn’t been easy – I have been driven to make it happen in my house – I simply couldn’t tolerate it – it wasn’t even a conscious thought – it was how I felt and then conscious thought and action came in to back it – my husband appears to be new age man – but once we really got into it, some old ingrained patterns and resistance needed to be acknowledged and changed.
So bringing it back to Tri Nature – can you see now how working with your household as a team to share the mental and physical load can actually work for your family? What if your ability to increase the household income via Tri Nature could have a tangible possible effect – i.e. bring Dad home more often to be with the family? More family quality time i.e. outings / holidays? Not to mention Mum being less stressed with more time to spend quality time with her family – perhaps a conversation worth considering? 🙂